Roller Derby: are these girls insane?

My new show Totally Broad- THURSDAYS AT 11PM has been rolling along pretty smoothly so far with the exception of the Canadiens getting bounced out early, hence the Athlete quiz has been put on hold for the time being before its transition to the Alouettes quiz of the week!
This week is based on one of the original ideas behind the show: ROLLER DERBY! I caught some reality show about these chicks a while ago and they seem completely nuts and extremely vicious. I love it.
I must share with you part of an e-mail sent to me by the captain of one of the Montreal teams who will be joining us Tomorrow night at 11pm.

There's been a bunch of hype going around about Montreal's birth of a roller derby league and May 5th will be this baby's Bat Mitzva!

The teams playing will be Montreal's very first team, The Contrabandits vs. the second team (my team) Les Filles Du Roi.

One thing is for sure, this wont be your regular Saturday night. Our ladies have been training like soldiers in preparation for this event and will be sure to leave you hungry for more!

Don't think that the derby girls are just a bunch of pretty faces. We are competitive and ruthless adrenaline junkies all wrapped up in fishnets and fundies.... that rhymed... hehe.

For real though, if this kinda thing gets you all fired up, try and get your hands on some suicide seats. That's right, SUICIDE SEATS!!!!!! On track level, the floor 15 feet out from the outer ring of the track itself is reserved for our freak fans who like the idea of a body checked derby girl flying into their lap.

One last thing..... If you do decide that this is how you wanna kick off your Saturday night, then bring lots of signs that say "Go Filles Du Roi" and support your local "Slut's and Criminal's".
Love,

Captain Beater Pan-Tease

LOLOLOL! I will absolutely be attending this event hope to see you out there!

Andie

Totally Broad makes its debut on THE TEAM 990

For those of you that don't know, I now have my very own show at THE TEAM 990. How exciting is that?? The show is about sports outside the mainstream and its called Totally Broad airing every Thursday night at 11:00pm. The show made its big debut yesterday and it was a blast. Bianca Bayer joins me working the board, our producer is Debbie Mahoney-a very good friend of mine and snowboarder extraordinare.
In case you missed it we discussed Parkour on the first show and every subsequent show will focus on a different sport so tune in if you feel like listening to 3 hot ladies discussing the unsung sports!

Next week-snowboarding takes center stage as we preview the return of Canada’s largest snowboarding event: Empire Shakedown 2007!

Totally Broad Thursdays at 11:00pm!

Should have gone 5 hole.

I feel the need to blog about not only how much my team DOMINATED at our Bell Center Hockey extravaganza (Melnick in the Afternoon went 3-0 thank you very much!) but also of how cool my team was to be saddled with, not only, the lone girl in the tournament but one whose hockey skills can only be described as Bambi after a hard night out drinking.
It was such a great day and after my team got over the HORROR of sharing their locker room with me, they were all about trying to help me fulfill my dream of scoring a goal. Despite their best efforts including Terry Ryan waiting for me to come up the wing and take a pass MANY times and giving me a penalty shot that I almost took on our own goalie (oops!) it was not to be. Mitch was a stellar coach and only short shifted me once-but then I said i regreted agreeing to play this game and wanted a trade and he shaped up.
Thanks to all the guys on my team that made sure I was out for all my shifts and all the guys on the other teams that did their best not to run me over, except for Paul Lambert who pulled no punches in drilling me into the corner. Juuust kidding Paul was on my team and in my exuberance to actually see the puck a few feet away from me I tried to flail my way over there unfortunately Paul was already on the move and as he said, stopping 300 pounds is no easy task. I learned that the hard way. :)

My favorite moments of the day:
Hurry the F*** up next time" Terry Ryan the first time he tried to help me score.
"That was the worst F***ING off-side I have ever seen" Terry Ryan when I was, I admit, BADLY offside.
"You should have gone 5 hole" The guys in the dressing room after I failed to score on my penalty shot. Guys, 5 hole would be great but It's a miracle I still had the puck on my stick by the time i got there.

Pics are up on the website. I'm the midget wearing 11.

dedicated to Cedric "Cornbread" Maxwell

A poem for sexist pigs:

“If anything I say offends you I’m sorry”

I can’t tell you how much this BS annoys me.

Stand by your comments and take the fall;

You are a big, tough manly-man, after all.

It’s a tough gig at times being a lady in sports

Cut us some slack and un-bunch your shorts.

Act too aggressive and they'll call me a bitch,

You don’t know from aggressive: I work with Mitch.

I’m not moody, a lesbian or even PMS-ing

Your comments are simply ignorant and quite frankly depressing.

If women had never got out of the kitchen,

You'd have no Gold Medals or chicks that are bitchin’

For every Hardaway and Maxwell you've got to spew bile,

I see you a Tewskbury and raise you a Heil.

Hockey players have nothing on spinners and ballet dancers

My weekend was spent by almost being done in by a spinning instructor and getting a look at what true strength and athleticism really is. I will start with the spinning. For those of you that don’t know, THE TEAM 990 participated in a Spin-A-Thon for Lupus.

www.lupuscanada.org

If you don’t know what spinning is….let me just say this; think long and hard if anyone ever invites you to a class. It was hands down one of the most physically demanding things I have done since I stopped rowing. Basically you are on a stationary bike and the instructor takes you through an hour of telling you when to sprint, increase tension so you are 'climbing a hill', more sprinting, pushup like things while you bike standing up, more sprinting…all to very loud techno music that you are supposed to ‘keep the beat with’. Ya right….how about I just keep myself breathing instead?

A good time was had by all and when our shift was done and I peeled my red faced, tired ass off the floor where I had collapsed moments earlier, the event had raised over 6000$ and there was still a few hours to go.

Thank you to all my wonderful coworkers and colleagues who sponsored me. Pics are on the way

Saturday evening I had the good fortune to be invited to the ballet. I am - to put it mildly - a ballet neophyte. I’ve seen The Nutcracker and another one where all the men were in tutus. I enjoyed both of those but neither came close to what I experienced at Place Des Arts on Saturday night. The Ballet was Revelations presented by Alvin Ailey ^® American Dance Theater. The night was an amazing combination or GREAT music- Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone, Roberta Flack, Regina Carter and Diana Krall just to name a few, and dancers that will knock your socks off. These men and women can do things with their bodies that I didn’t even think was physically possible. Click this link and just LOOK at that woman’s body.

http://www.alvinailey.org/

If you ever see this come to town again or are in New York and can catch it I highly recommend checking it out.

Do Barry Bonds, Britney Spears and Tim Hardaway all share the same brain?

"No Comment, no comment, no comment" that is pretty much the gist of Barry Bonds meeting with the media yesterday as he reported to spring training. Now Barry, I understand you don't want your son to find out that you cheated your way to the top but could you consider for a second that there are actual people out there facing some very real life altering consequences as a result of this charade and do not have the luxury of sitting in their gated communities thinking up new (old) ways to stonewall media members that have the AUDACITY to ask you questions about the biggest smear on pro sports in recent memory that you, like it or not, happen to be at the center of. Hey Barry; You know they are going to ask you questions about steroid use and the possibility of facing jail time for perjuring yourself so how about preparing a well thought out answer that shows that you actually care about the issue at hand or express some regret with how the sport that many of us love has become riddled with drug use over the years?

Moving from one bald headed loser to another. Ahhhhh Britney Spears. Now I thought the interview with Matt Lauer was rock bottom but she seems to have outdone herself once again. Yes, you could feel bad for her but I will reserve my pity for the millions of women in Africa afflicted with AIDS because their men cant keep it in their pants or the millions of girls sold as sex slaves every year in India and there will even be a little left over for the poor Spears/Federline offspring. Hey Britney: It's a child. Not a cute talking purse that you take out if it matches your outfit. Even Madonna realized that she would have to channel some of her Blond Ambition towards raising her children.

Do you think Tim Hardaway enjoyed the open mouthed kiss between Britney Spears and Madonna? Hey Tim. You can apologize till you throat bleeds but money talks and BS walks. You have already proved the latter so how 'bout you pony up some of those hard earned dollars and donate them to a gay/lesbian support line that will be overloaded with calls due to your insensitive and ignorant comments you made not once but twice in a public forum.

Is it a sport if it doesn't hurt?

As everyone else is cursing the cold outside and pretty much dropping like flies around me at the station, I couldn't be happier that we finally have snow and I have been able to get to the slopes a few times already.
Unfortunately in my exuberance I sometimes forget that I am now an old lady and probably should not be quite as foolhardy (read stupid) as I used to be. Learning to ride with mostly boys I was often used as a guinea pig to check landings as in; "Andie go drop off that and check the landing", so falling on crap landings is not an unusual feeling for me however bending my spine in half this weekend has put a real damper on my week so I think those days may finally be over.
The flail has got me thinking however, especially after boarder cross was such a roaring success at the Olympics, what is considered a sport these days?
From what I understand the IOC has dropped women's ski jumping out of the Olympics because by classifying it as an 'EVENT' and not a 'SPORT' you need more countries to have active participation in order to warrant its inclusion. Now, if flying 100 meters in the air while holding your body tight as a drum and actually landing without doing yourself in and taking a few spectators with you is not a SPORT then how can you call Golf a sport with a straight face?
Listen I'm not going to lie and say that I am biting my nails at Olympic time waiting for women's ski jumping to come on but there has been criticism that this EVENT/SPORT clause in the Charter is a loophole that has grandfathered in the discrimination against women ski jumpers. Is this really the direction we want to be going with amateur sports? In a time where kids spend more time in front of a TV/PLAYSTATION/NINTENDO (take your pick) and most adolescent girls are surviving on saltine crackers and the occasional apple because they are afraid to get fat, should we be pulling the funding out of women's events or supporting these girls who want to compete for their country? And doing a damn good job of it might I add. Canada has 3 young women on the National Team that rank among the top 16 jumpers in the world.